THE DATING LAME

I find it really interesting how an entire “relationship” can be sustained solely through texting—from flirtation to breakup.

I have a guy friend who moved from the east coast to San Francisco about six months ago, during which time he’d been keeping in touch with a girl who he’d a. never actually gone out with/hooked up with and b. who he communicated with solely through texts. No phone calls, no emails.

My buddy was supposed to take a trip back and see said girl while he was there, but ended up canceling at the last minute because of work and other obligations—and the fact that he’d met someone out here who he just started seeing and really liked. Well, his lady friend absolutely flipped out that he wasn’t coming, and sent him numerous angry/drunk/accusatory text messages.

“We were never even dating, but it’s like I had to break up with her,” guy friend said. And how did said “breakup” happen? Through texts.

Has our concept of communication gotten so f’ed up that we’re willing to construct a relationship from a few digital messages? My take on it is that this girl had an expectation of what was going to transpire after he visited (passionate sex! love! marriage!). She liked him and wanted more. For that, I feel for her—but can you really think that a relationship based on zero talking will actually get to that level? And were my friend’s messages maybe leading her on?

Don’t get me wrong: Like her, I have certainly been prone to creating false hopes, even when I knew deep down that the dude wasn’t in it for the long haul, AND I’m guilty of texting—but it’s this acceptance of text messaging as an actual way to communicate that kills me.

Texting is safe. It’s easy. It’s non-confrontational. You don’t have to actually see/hear the other person’s reaction—you just hit send and then, hey, if they respond, cool. If not, whatevs.

Disagree with me? Shoot me a text. Maybe I’ll reply.