San Francisco Magazine and the Dating Lame, Sitting in a Tree…
February 9, 2009
Please allow me to introduce to you The Dating Lame’s newest partner. No, I’m not getting married. The blog is now a weekly feature on San Francisco Magazine’s website. There, you’ll be able to read my musings on everything from dating and love to texting to everything in between.
Check out my first post at:
Recession: Bad for Your Wallet, Good for Your Online Profile
February 9, 2009
Take one look around San Francisco these days and you’ll see that things aren’t so hot: The economy is in the crapper. People are getting laid off left and right. Oh, and did I mention that our fine state is running out of dough?
But, really, who wants to hear about all that doom and gloom? Apparently, not single people, because despite the deafening buzz of bad news out there, one industry seems to be booming. Yes, I’m talking about online dating.
This past November was the strongest month for Match.com new memberships in more than seven years, according to the Online Dating Newsletter. Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Times reported in a January 10 article that both Craigslist personals postings and eHarmony.com registrations saw 20 percent increases last year. Despite losing their paychecks and struggling to pay their rent, it seems that the unattached just can’t get enough of writing pithy self-descriptions, taking countless personality quizzes, and browsing profile after profile for their soul mate.
Now, anyone who knows me knows that I’m skeptical when it comes to online dating. Personally, I’d rather meet people out and about (what could help us all forget about the recession more quickly than a few cocktails? Anyone up for Laiola’s Pink Slip Sunday in a couple of days?). In any case, I started to wonder why this phenomenon is taking place.
Luckily for me, the so-called “experts” offer up all sorts of reasons. Take this gem of a quote from Dr. Pepper Schwartz, chief relationship expert (whatever that means) for Perfectmatch.com, from the aforementioned Online Dating Newsletter: “We are all generally better as a team and appreciate someone who shares our values, goals, and lifestyle, and that’s why we’ve seen increased traffic to top dating sites in the current economic climate.”
Meanwhile, eHarmony research scientist Gian Gonzaga told the Los Angeles Times, “When people are feeling stressed about the economy and feeling stressed about their love lives, they’re more likely to want to be in a relationship than when they’re not feeling stressed.”
My take on the situation is a little more, well, simplistic. It goes a little something like this:
Successful singleton has job. Job disappears. Without the burden of actual work to do, singleton can spend more time on the computer looking at, ahem, attractive prospects and fantasizing about future partnerships.
Or, to take a romantic view, maybe the prospect of happiness being just a few clicks away is something we’re all willing to invest in these days—but you’re more likely to find me turning off my computer screen and heading to a bar, thank you very much.
THIS Is Why I’m Still Single (In Case You Were Wondering)
December 8, 2008
I love getting the question, “Why are you still single?” How exactly is someone supposed to answer that? “Well, I don’t know, I guess I’m just completely unlovable.” Ha.
I think that a lot of my friends assume that because I live in a city, it must be easy as pie to meet men. Well, it’s not that it’s not easy to meet men; it’s just not easy to meet quality men. There’s a big difference. Don’t get me wrong, San Francisco is full of good-looking, successful, witty single guys—who all insist on acting like they’re 19 (until they reach the age of, oh, I don’t know, 40).
So to those people who would like to know why I’m still single, I’d like to offer Exhibit A, a video enough people have sent to me that I feel the need to post. It features an actual San Francisco single male in his natural habitat, at one of the Marina’s finest (sarcasm) bars:
I ask: Would YOU want to date this guy? I didn’t think so.
The Facebook Strikes Back
December 3, 2008
Just the other day, I got a reminder of the cold, impersonal times we live in—and since I haven’t written about my beloved Facebook in a while, I figured I might as well offer some commentary.
A friend just broke up with his longtime girlfriend, and because I’m friends with both of them on Facebook, I got this lovely message in my News Feed:
“X and XX ended their relationship.”
Ouch. Blunt, to say the very least. I’d already heard about it from him, so I wasn’t shocked, but what a way to announce the news to the world.
But let’s not get TOO serious here. On the flip side, the brilliant site Passive Aggressive Notes, which is hilarious in and of itself, actually has some great examples of how Facebook updates have changed the relationship sphere. Take this guy, for instance, who in a fit of passion used his status update, though horribly misspelled, to call out a cheating girlfriend:
http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com
While in this case, although it’s kind of funny to read, is it a good or a bad thing to be able to broadcast the most intimate details of your relationship to anyone who’s your acquaintance on Facebook? Sure, it spells easy revenge, but…maybe it’s time to return to the old-school way of handling breakups, and just bad-mouthing your ex to your friends for a few months. And, you know, giving them dirty looks in public and such. Maybe even toilet papering their house.
Doesn’t it make you wish for the good old days? Ha.
Top Ten Post-Breakup Songs
December 1, 2008
In yesterday’s Social Q’s column in the New York Times, writer Philip Galanes advised a just-jilted young lady to listen to Pink’s “So What?” at top volume every morning to pump herself up. Bravo, Mr. Galanes. Not a bad little piece of advice.
I started thinking about about some of my favorite fuck-you songs to get back in the groove after a devastating breakup. Keep in mind, these aren’t introspective, “sit around and mope” songs. There are only so many weepy ballads you can listen to in your pajamas before your friends start threatening an intervention.
Instead, these are “I’m going out with my girls tonight and you can bet your ass I’m making out with someone on the dance floor” songs. There’s nothing like that first night you throw on your favorite going-out ensemble and get back “out there”; these are the songs you should listen to while you’re putting on your makeup and having that personality drink (or am I the only one who does that? Hmmm.).
In any case, here’s my post-breakup playlist:
“Single Ladies (Put a RIng on It)” Beyonce
“Goodbye to You” Scandal
“My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It)” En Vogue
“Since U Been Gone” Kelly Clarkson
“Brand New Lover” Dead or Alive
“Smile” Lily Allen
“No Scrubs” TLC
“What Have You Done for Me Lately?” Janet Jackson
“Womanizer” Britney Spears
“The Sign” Ace of Base
And of course, Pink would be on there, too. As another musician, the wise Neil Sedaka, once said, “breaking up is hard to do.” So let’s face it: There’s no need to prolong the pain with sappy love songs. At least, not after the first day or two.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go dance around my room.
Dating Lame, Will You Marry Me? Why Yes, Dating Lame, I Will.
October 14, 2008
I got to go try on veils today.
My life recently took an ironic twist when I started working for a bridal magazine. Yes, the single girl who writes a somewhat cynical blog about dating, love and relationships is working for a magazine about weddings and all things wedding-related. Oh, the joy.
As for today, I’ll set the scene for you. I was in one of San Francisco’s most elegant bridal salons. Bejeweled Reem Acra and immaculately draped Ulla Meier dresses in rich shades of cream and white surrounded me, while a giddy bride-to-be modeled a princess-y strapless number in front of a massive three-way mirror.
As a girl who wants to get married—not, like, tomorrow or anything, but someday—it was all just a little too surreal, like being in a candy store where you’re not allowed to eat any of the candy.
I’m actually going to be photographed in the veil next week, which kind of seems like cruel and unusual punishment, now that I think about it. But still, aside from the obvious reminder that I’m still single and nowhere near getting married, I think the best part of the day was when the sales associate (who was actually quite lovely) asked who the model for the photo shoot was going to be, and looked more than a little taken aback when I said, “Um…it’s me.”
This is all just more material for the screenplay, people.
How NOT to Start An Online Dating Email: “Venus Sent You to Me”
October 8, 2008
My intense dislike for online dating shall, for the moment, forge on.
This is a perfect example of why I don’t believe in it: Following are excerpts from an actual email a friend of mine received from a potential suitor on Match.com.
Would YOU want to date this man, I ask? Read on:
“Venus sent you to me and I felt resonate with your profile. After seeing your charming and warm smile, I asked myself, Heaven must be missing an angel! I couldn’t help responding to your profile.
I believe that we share similar values and have a few common interests. You seem to be sincere, unpretentious, and down-to-earth, and they are qualities that I truly admire in a person.
Being as romantic as I am, I would welcome the opportunity to worship the ground you walk on if you open your heart to me.
Please keep smiling as your smile makes this world a more beautiful place to live in. Thanks for taking the time to read my letter and I certainly look forward to hearing from you soon.”
Nice, polite guy? I’m sure. But I still just vomited in my mouth.
eHarmony? More Like eHey, Thanks, But No Thanks.
October 7, 2008
I have a dirty little secret.
After years of mocking the world of online dating, I, the Dating Lame, filled out eHarmony’s personality quiz.
I’d tried Match.com a few years back but was disillusioned after my top “match” based on a bunch of quizzes was actually someone I’d been out on a blind date with just weeks earlier and with whom I’d had zero chemistry (nice guy, just no chemistry). To me, that proved that online dating, with all its quizzes and charts and statistics, doesn’t magically create a spark.
So why eHarmony now? I dunno, boredom? Curiosity? I mean, why not give it a spin?
Well, I was quickly reminded why I hate online dating: What felt like seconds after I had finished the questionnaire, I was immediately bombarded with potential “matches” like some 48 year-old dude named Bob in San Leandro. I’ve also been getting annoying “reminders” to update my profile with a photo and to fork over some cash to join the site.
Surprise, surprise: I haven’t joined, and I’m 99.99% sure I won’t. I don’t know why I am so anti-online dating. Maybe it’s my ego, and that I don’t feel like I should have to resort to meeting people on the internets. Maybe it’s just that it feels so forced. Maybe that it’s that they’re asking me to shell out some hard-earned cash. I don’t know. I. just. can’t. do. it.
I know plenty of people who have had great online dating experiences; one of my friends from college met her husband on Match. Other friends have dated people for months that they’ve met online.
I guess I’m just an old-fashioned kind of gal: I’d rather meet my mates slightly tipsy in bars or through friends at parties—or recycle old ones that didn’t work out on the first go-round so that I can painfully learn (again) why we didn’t mesh to begin with.
Maybe it’s time to take out a personals ad on Craigslist. Kidding. Or am I?
Has “Douchebag” Had its Day?
October 5, 2008
One of my friends hates the word “douchebag.” In fact, she tells me pretty regularly how much she hates that I use it on the blog so much.
I think it’s a funny word. I mean, what could be more insulting than to be compared to a pretty much useless object that’s stuck up a woman’s hoo-ha? For jerky boys who are useless in and of themselves, I personally think there’s no better term.
Apparently the editors over at Esquire think that the word has had its day, so much so that a few months ago they proposed a moratorium. According to them, the word has become so overused in pop culture that it’s begun to lose its effectiveness.
I don’t know. It still kinda makes me chuckle. And, at least it’s not technically a naughty curse word. I don’t think the “Asshole Questionnaire,” “Dickhead Questionnaire” or “Cocksucker Questionnaire” (my favorite alternative) have quite the same ring as “D-Bag,” but, hey, I’ll give it some thought.
To read the Esquire article, click here.
